Friday, December 9, 2011

When Your Christmas Season Doesn't Quite Go as Planned...

I feel defeated, like a failure. We've all been sick--10 days of us coughing, sneezing, wheezing over mugs of hot tea and chicken broth. One day running into another, endless blur of just. getting. through. And though I've been sick along with the rest of them, my three sick kids and husband, still this mother's guilt creeps in, setting up camp in my tired and weary soul. Did I do enough? Could I have been more fun? Could I have been...more? There's been T.V. viewing. Lots of it. One hour running into the next just trying to steal a moment's rest. They've eaten horribly. Pop Tarts for breakfast, frozen food dinners, home cooked meal scattered in between whenever I could muster the strength. And I wonder, "Could I have tried harder?" Might I have soothed brows better, cuddled more? Do these three children of mine feel nurtured enough? The claws of perfection dig deep and I'm left reeling. A mother is supposed to give, be selfless, but what happens when the well of giving runs dry, too parched and weary to flow? Will these children feel less loved?


Oh the plans I had-such grand plans! Plans of baking, spying Christmas lights on winding streets, wreath-lit evening devotions, books read cuddled on couch, carol sings. 10 Days gone from this short Advent season of light, love and preparation. But reality falls short of my expectations and I am left deflated from the disappointment of it all.


I can't get this lost time back, so I try to make the most of it. The boys regain more strength and I pull out a Christmas book of activities to do. Voice still gone, I can't yet read or do much of anything, but this, this we can do. We can draw together, color, create.


Light returns to the boy's eyes as antibiotics run their course. They seem excited to be at the table again, focused on the task at hand. Markers poised they excitedly dive in, creating pictures of Christmas cookies and toy shop windows.


Adam, my four year old, runs over to me, so proud of his completed work. "Mommy, I've made mine glow! Come look in the dark with me to see my picture light up!"



We close the door, room gone all black. We look. Out of the dark appears luminous strokes of light. Beautiful simple child's strokes aglow. We stand together, admiring the light of his creation. "Isn't it beautiful Mommy? Don't you love it?" The streaks of light all run together as eyes leak water at this moment of realization, this beautiful simple lesson.



We are not the perfection, we are not the light. We grasp and flail in the dark, trying to find our way, trying so hard to get things just right. And when we feel like we've failed, He illuminates. Grace, this light that shines through the darkness, illuminating the night, renewing and giving us the strength to begin again. And I know, then and there, it is enough. I have done enough. I let this sink in, drinking up this light in the dark. This season of wonder can be enough all on its own, so long as we let Him illuminate. Cookies and carols and packages of gold are just the extras, the icing. But all that we truly need is to feel His love. To be still and wonder at this miracle birth.


We embrace together in the dark, this beautiful boy of mine and me, basking in The Light. Etching this moment in my memory, I've never felt more filled with the light of Christmas than here and now in this moment of simple joy. And in this moment I am made whole again.


34 comments:

  1. He does illuminate. And as Ann Voskamp recently wrote, "God appoints people who do disappoint – to point to a God who never disappoints." This whole post does just that. This was beautiful. It touched my heart!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you! And I love that Ann quote! So true!

      Delete
  2. Oh Erin, what a beautiful post. I love how you said, " I've never felt more filled with the light of Christmas than here and now in this moment of simple joy." It really is those simple joys that we remember most. I hope your family is all feeling better really soon!

    ReplyDelete
  3. In case you can't afford to obtain the Web Download Manager sequential number in the (moment), then it is possible to readily download the online download manager decode version. Do not stress IDM Crack can also be full edition, you also may down load the deciphered IDM from the URL listed below or you should utilize IDM sequential number to enroll the online downloadmanager.
    Even as we realize there are many IDM broken models are available and also the online downloadmanager limitation can be offered. IDM with Crack Still, if you're someone who is able to readily afford the applications, then you definitely must purchase the applications as it ailing enable the programmers to cover their invoices also to commit the amount of money generated by sales of this online downloadmanager or even IDM crack full variant in making the program easier and much more useful since new features additionally cost the company in implementation and research. It's possible to purchase the initial IDM full variant by using their official site.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "Archie 420 Dispensary welcome anyone 21+ to stop by and have a one of a kind Marijuana experience with us.
    No trip to the Evergreen state is complete without a visit to archie 420 Marijuana dispensary.
    Also, you can Check out Midweek specials: $2 off ANY pre-roll Tuesday and $2 off ANY 1 gram Wednesday! We accept variety forms of payments.
    The Archie's do strive to provide a broad range of quality Marijuana products to fit any budget!
    Archie's are conveniently located at our main office: What is OG kush 380 Quivas St, Denver CO, 80223, USA and 45 Lisbon st San Francisco California 94112 USA and.. Branch Unit in 2300 Windy Ridge Pkwy SE - Atlanta GA ,USA
    Archie 420 menu include all taxes, menu is subject to change and Items do sell very quickly.
    Finally, no Medical card is required. As a result, come to Archie's online shop and experience modern age of truly legalized marijuana and we offer a variety of strains to satisfy the most discerning of consumers. We are open 24/7 and you are always welcome."

    ReplyDelete
  5. Crystal online pharmacy is a trusted online drug store with a wide range of products to suit the needs of ther clients. Crystal Pharmacy do strive to offer the best service and ship products world wide. All the products listed on their website are Available in stock. Buy cocaine online Expect your order to be processed Immediately when you send your request. They deal with varieties of drugs for customers satisfaction. They also cross barriers with their products and struggle hard to meet human satisfaction. When shopping with them, Be safe and secured and you will realize how swift they are with our services.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Recently, the keto diet has become extremely popular for its health benefits such as weight loss and preventing disease. A custom Keto plan for life! Visit here: keto diet menu

    ReplyDelete
  7. - Como organizar sua Semana com o Taskade - Segunda Feira, primeiro dia.
    Como organizar sua semana com o Taskade - Terça - Vlog de Produtividade
    - Como organizar sua semana com o Taskade - Quarta
    - Como organizar sua semana com o Taskade - Quinta - Vlog Produtividade.
    - Taskade - Sexta, Sábado e Domingo. Como foi e uma grande novidade

    ReplyDelete
  8. Crystal online pharmacy is a trusted online drug store with a wide range of products to suit the needs of our clients. Crystal Pharmacy do strive to offer the best service and ship products world wide. All the products listed on our website are Ava in stock. Buy Bicarbonate online Expect your order to be processed Immediately when you send us your request. We deal with varieties of drugs for our customers satisfaction. We cross barriers with our products and struggle hard to meet human satisfaction. When shopping with us, Be safe and secured and you will realize how swift we are with our services.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Archie 420 Dispensary is a trusted Cannabis dispensary base in Los Angeles California USA. It is one of the top dispensary in this part of the country. Sour diesel weed They do deliver Marijuana in the USA and to over 25 countries in the world. You can always visit their dispensary in Los Angeles using the address on their website. Place your order and get served by the best dispensary in the planet. Have fun.

    ReplyDelete
  10. ac repair and services in manikonda Extend the Lifespan of Your System with Proper Maintenance Like all machines, air conditioners benefit from regular maintenance; we know that for a fact.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Buy Modafinil Online – Buying pills like Modafinil is not easy. Are you trying to purchase modafinil online? If your answer is Yes, then you are in the right place. In this buyer’s guide, we are going to cover everything you need to know about the most popular nootropic in the world.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Why Your Online Business Needs A WordPress Website

    The WordPress site framework is currently the most generally utilized site building stage on the web, with more than 22% of all dynamic areas utilizing it. This site program has the usefulness to assist your online business with procuring income also giving as a total substance the board framework.

    There are in excess of 75 million WordPress sites on the web and it is supposedly utilized by numerous lofty associations. On the off chance that it is adequate for them, it will doubtlessly be sufficient for your online business.

    A Flexible Website Builder. wordpress ecommerce templates

    WordPress is an entirely adaptable program for an online business. You have the choice to post customary news things onto your site and make explicit item deals pages. You can decide to permit remarks on your pages which makes client created content as peruser's remarks. Updates can be planned for advance so that pages can go live at a pre-decided time and you can make certain pages private so just your clients with the particular URL can get to them.

    Creator Management.

    The program permits you to have numerous clients with various degrees of power. You can let others to make and add substance to your site without giving them full access rights to the whole site situation. You likewise can check and support any updates before they go live.

    WordPress Website Templates.

    At the point when a guest lands on your site, you just have seconds to dazzle them and convince them to remain. With the site layouts (called subjects) you can transfer an immense wide range of topics at the snap a catch. A few subjects are free and some have a little expense and there will be a topic that gives the look and highlights that you need for your online business. You can likewise effectively review and trade between subjects to see which one you like best.

    A WordPress Website Design To Suit You.

    The fundamental site download is a minimal programming system and you do have to add the additional items, or modules, to expand your site's abilities. Numerous modules are free and permit you to do various things including the formation of mailing records, contact structures, connect following, site design improvement frameworks, site investigation and the sky is the limit from there.

    Since there are so numerous WordPress sites on the web there are individuals everywhere on the world who create additional items, modules, topics for you to download to your site. What was once utilized for publishing content to a blog has now developed into an exceptionally incredible program to assist you with making a site that will attract the traffic and bring in cash for you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. TeluguMoviesAdda is all about Tollywood news, gossips, movie reviews, updates, and many more. Other than this we also publish local news, political news, and other categories on public demand. telugu movies

    ReplyDelete
  14. BCT Consulting is proud to announce a new location in century city California. For the past decade, we have been providing web design, Website Design services managed IT support, and cyber security services to some of the biggest brands in Los Angeles.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Archie 420 Dispensary is a trusted Cannabis dispensary base in Los Angeles California USA. It is one of the top dispensary in this part of the country. They do deliver Marijuana in the USA and to over 25 countries in the world. You can always visit their dispensary in Los Angeles using the address on their website. Place your order and get served by the best dispensary in the planet. Have fun. Visit: Buy Holy grail OG online

    ReplyDelete
  16. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  17. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  18. PG SLOT มีเกมหลากหลายให ้เลือก พรอ้ มกราฟฟิกแอนนเิมชนั่ สวยงามทสี่ ดุ ในยคุ นี้แจ็คพอตแตกง่าย pgslot โปรโมชนั่ พเิศษส าหรับทงั้สมาชก เกา่ และสมาชกิ ใหม่ ระบบฝาก-ถอนเงินออโต ้เงินเข ้าเร็วทันใจมีแอดมิ ดูแลตลอด 24 ชวั่ โมง ต ้องที่ pgslot.bid มั่นคงจ่ายจริง ไม่ว่าคุณจะถอนเงิ มากมายเท่าไหร่ ทางเว็บจ่ายเต็มไม่มีหัก pgslot ปั่นง่ายแตกง่าย

    PG SLOT ผู ้ให ้บริการเว็บตรง ที่แตกง่ายที่สุด ปั่นสนุก ฝากเงินรับเครดิตฟร สูงสุด 15000 บาท สมัคร พีจีสล็อต หรือ PGSLOT กับเราเพื่อความมั่นคงของคุณเอง.

    ReplyDelete
  19. The main motto of our blog is to help the UPSers employees with latest updates that includes pension plans, 401k, UPS jobs, recruitment, career, retirement planning, logistics data and much more.
    UPS employee login portal is upsers com login
    and upsers login
    How to view paycheck on UPSers
    New 401K Hardship Withdrawal Rules
    How To Reset UPSers Password

    ReplyDelete
  20. Freelancers Incubator is a European educational institution specializing in the field of freelancing and fersonal growth. Become a freelancer

    ReplyDelete
  21. Former Bank Robber REACTS to The Diamond 파워볼게임 Heist in GTA Online | Experts React

    ReplyDelete
  22. Just 99 Web Design offers affordable web design packages for every business, from basic one-page websites to full eCommerce website design services. inexpensive web design companies

    ReplyDelete
  23. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  24. interesting blog! thanks for sharing this https://sejourne.ae/

    ReplyDelete

LinkWithin

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...