What is Love?

They say love makes the world go round. As the Beatles once crooned, "All you need is love." The familiar childhood poem comes to mind, "Roses are red, violets are blue..." But really, what is love? It's the age-old question that poets, philosophers, musicians and scholars alike have pondered for centuries. It's something you might be lucky enough to have experienced in your life, but can you really put it into words? It's the subject of countless movies and studies...it's that thing that makes your heart go "boom-boom-boom." We might spend our entire lives chasing this crazy little thing called love, yet often we have trouble defining it. Well, I'm not here to say that I have definitively solved this mystery once and for all. Sorry to disappoint. ;) But, I would however, like to share a few insights on the subject.





I'm reading a book right now that explores the subject of love (among other things): A New Heart by Robert Morneau. The type of love the author writes about is not the romantic smooshy-gushy stuff that is the subject of romance novels and chick-flicks. (And don't get me wrong, I do like a good chick-flick every now and then!) With this type of love there's no chase-scene, no knight-in-shining-armor, no fair maiden in distress, no orchestral swelling at the movie's close. Nope, this type of love is more of a giving type of love. Selfless love. Sacrificial love.


Karl Rahner says that, "Love alone makes man forget himself, and it would indeed be hell if self-oblivion could never be achieved. Without love, man, anxiously guarding his finite Ego, would husband his future and yield it but grudgingly. " So, according to Rahner love is actually a type of self-death. Love is not about how it makes us feel, but rather about forgetting ourselves altogether. But that's not what's portrayed in the movies, is it? "True love" according to popular culture is all about making us feel special and valued, about receiving scores of flowers and candy, about being serenaded by moonlight. And we eat this stuff up, don't we? I mean, what girl doesn't fantasize about the famed balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet? So then, who is this crazy guy who's telling us to forget about ourselves? I mean, how could love not be all about us?!


Let's see what someone else has to say on this subject. Here is what Pope Paul VI offers about love:

"Love those near by and those afar. Love our friends and enemies; love Catholics, schismatics, Protestants, Anglicans, the indifferent, love Muslims, pagans, atheists, love members of all social classes, love children, love the old, the poor and the sick, love those who deride or despise us, obstruct or persecute us; love those who deserve love and those who do not; love our adversaries. Let us love and try to understand, esteem, appreciate, serve it and suffer for it. Let us love with the heart of Christ."


Here again we see love offered as a gift to others--deserved or not. It is not about what we get out of the deal, but rather loving for the virtue of love itself. Even suffering for it. But this is in such stark contrast to our desires! Sure, it's easy to love people who seem nice enough, when it feels easy or when we encounter those whose values align with our own. But to love our enemies? Love those who persecute us? Well, that's just crazy talk, isn't it? It sounds good in the bible, but...really?!


Let's turn then to a less academic, more experiential type of love; parental love. The role of a parent is at time fraught with peril. Let's face it, parenting can be a rough gig. Sleepless nights with a screaming newborn, toddler tantrums (seemingly!) by the hundreds, defiant teens pushing our buttons, stomach bugs (we just went through the stomach bug thing in our house this past week, so this one is fresh on my mind!). The list goes on and on. But ask any parent whether or not all of the dedication, devotion and giving is worth it, and you'd be loathe to find one suggesting the contrary. So then...there might just be something to this giving of love after all...




Ok then, so to love is to give. But one might refute this by saying that all of this giving, this selfless love is really just about the getting; that love is not so altruistic after all. One might say that we are only giving in order to receive something for ourselves. And in a way this is true. But what we get isn't some giddy high or fluttering in our stomachs. What we get is...a glimpse of God. It is in all of that giving of our love that we experience God's enormous love for us. With the swipe of a child's feverish brow, the tender embrace we lend to one who mourns, the hospitality we offer to a stranger in need, we get a tiny glimpse of God's love for us. Sacrificial love. Agony in the garden at love. Dying on the cross love. Love that makes us forget ourselves completely, love that fills our souls, love that quiets out hurts and makes us complete. Love that transports us from our petty worries, our childhood wounds, our materialistic desires. So, what we get is something great indeed. Paradoxically, in dying to self--in loving others with our whole hearts we are made complete. We experience love the way God gives it to us--freely, perfectly.




This calls to mind for me the famous tag line from the movie Jerry McGuire, "You complete me." And while this is a very beautiful and romantic thing to say to someone, it's...well, incomplete (how's that for irony!). I would like to rephrase it as: "Giving my love to you completes me--through God's love." Of course this just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? But really, what more could we possibly need? All we need is love, right?


And so, the romance movie ends, the credits roll, the popcorn has been consumed, and we are left...wanting. Wanting more, wanting that something missing. But the next time that feeling bubbles up inside of us, if only we can remind ourselves to give love. Give love more, give love freely, give love openly, give love with reckless abandon. And we might end up getting more love in return than we ever thought possible.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends."

John 15:13

** edited and re-posted from the archives, photos added.



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Sunday Snippets

Thought-Provoking Thursday

Women Living Well Wednesday
Raising Homemakers

10 Things I Love About My Husband...

Sometimes men have it tough. Often faced with high expectations stemming from characters in novels, movies and even our own heads, men feel they are "missing the mark" when it comes to romance. Expectations to look a certain way, to pitch in around the house, to rub our feet, to...to...to....the list goes on and on, and sometimes men can never quite measure up to impossibly high expectations, when in reality they're doing just fine. Even more than just fine.



In my opinion, my husband is great, just the way he is (and perhaps yours is too?). I'm not saying this to brag. In the grand scheme of things I'm sure there are men who could out-perform him in certain categories like making sure the dirty socks find their way to the hamper! But he's wonderful in his own unique, real way. And he loves me for all my faults and failures. (Because let's face it, as much as we'd love to think of ourselves as perfectly wonderful, we are filled with plenty of faults of our own!) So, here are some of the things I love about my husband. A list in honor of Valentine's Day and our approaching anniversary. A list of REAL qualities of a wonderful man. The unsung stuff not the material of sonnets or love songs, but the little-big things that make a relationship thrive:

1. He shovels. He even cleans off the cars and makes a nice neat little walkway to the house, while I get to stay inside all toasty and warm.

2. He brings me flowers for no specific reason, just because.

3. He grills outside all 4 seasons of the year. Even when it's pouring rain. Even when there's a blizzard. He grills so we can have a yummy dinner.

4. He changes diapers, even though he'd rather have his teeth pulled, would rather sit through ten zillion boring chick flicks in a row, would rather undergo surgery while still conscious. Yet he changes them, changes them anyway.

5. He calls me on the way home from work, just to let me know he'll be home soon. Just to say hello, and to ask if there's anything we need.

6. He dances with my daughter Megan. Every night before bed. She sings, they dance.

7. He goes out to the store on those days when nothing has gone right and I'm a sneezing sniffly mess with unwashed hair who hasn't made dinner. He picks up a rotisserie chicken, salad, and even dessert, and makes everything better.


8. After nine years of marriage he's still a little shy. He even blushes sometimes. It's cute, but if I tell him it's cute he hates that, so I just have to keep it to myself (or publish it for all the world to see! lol!).

A tiny little mug I painted for him for our first Valentine's Day-together in 2001.

9. He's ridiculously easy to please, with very low expectations of me, so whenever I do something a modicum above par, (like, oh...catching up on the laundry which I should be doing, all along!) I get high praise. Love that. Now THAT should be in a sonnet, I tell ya!


10. He's a hard-worker, a family man, a lover, a provider, a believer, a bit old-fashioned and an idealist.

So glad he's mine. :)

Dancing on our wedding day, 2/15/03

What are some of the "little-big" things you love about your man?




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An Evening with Immaculee Ilibagiza

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of meeting an amazing woman, Immaculee Ilibagiza. Her story of perseverance and faith in the midst of horrific circumstances is very inspiring. If you're not familiar with Immaculee's story, you can read more about her on her site: www.lefttotell.com She is the author of three books: Left To Tell, Led by Faith and Our Lady of Kibeho. If you haven't read any of them yet, you must go and read them, now. Really, they're that good. (And I'm not in any way sponsored to say this--her story is really just incredible.) After finishing her first book in 2 evenings I immediately went out to purchase her others.


To briefly summarize her story, Immaculee is a survivor of the 1991 Rwandan genocide that left over 1 million people brutally murdered in a matter of 3 months. She lost every single member of her family, save for an out-of-country brother. She survived by hiding in a 3' x 4' closet with 7 other women for 91 days. To say the conditions were horrendous is truly an understatement. In her book she details the conditions of her hiding quarters where food was scarce, speaking strictly prohibited, odors pungent and physical conditions utterly stifling. Throughout her months of cramped, odorous confines she could hear the battle chants of her pursuers, while being tormented by questioning the the fate of family and friends. The physical and psychological torture of her circumstances really go beyond words.


But perhaps the most striking feature of her story is the strength of her faith through it all. As a way to cope with her conditions and make peace with the murder and torture, she prayed 15-20 hours a day. She speaks of the transformation that took place in her heart as her mind underwent a total and blessed union with God. She felt the real and true presence of the Lord in a way she had never before encountered--an experience that changed her life forever and saved her time and time again when her pursuers drew near. I wish I could adequately recap the depth of her faith and the sincerity of her heart but my words just can't go far enough. You just need to read her story for yourself.

image source

But what I can say is that Immaculee is on a mission. Through her experience she is convinced that we have but three simple purposes here on earth: to love one another, to forgive and to pray. Throughout her books and her talk, she comes back to these simple yet profound truths time and time again. She articulates how she was able to forgive the slaughter of countless family members and friends through the healing power of the holy spirit. She speaks of the hold that hatred had had on her, and how it had begun to eat away at her soul. She speaks of her ability to let go of the anger as the Lord's healing love washed over her. She articulates the spiritual wrestling that had taken place inside of her and how the Lord had come to her aid when she felt like giving in to the darkness. She eventually arrived at a place of peace--so much so that she was even able to visit the man who had brutally tortured and murdered her most beloved brother. While this murderer was in prison, she looked him straight in the face and offered her most sincere forgiveness. The depths of her anguish and the power of saving grace are truly awe-inspiring.


Though one might not think her message love is nothing "new" per se, her unique trials and endurance of faith speak volumes to the power of this message. It's a message that sometimes fails to touch our hardened hearts, as we grow weary of human failings and tired of opening ourselves to hurt and heartache. In this post-modern time of individualism and self-fulfillment Immaculee's message to reach out to one another in love is so desperately needed. We must hear stories like hers in order to stir our hearts and be reminded of our purpose here. Immaculee's experiences transport us as readers from our hum-drum worries and remind us what really matters in life. Through her endearing, child-like, innocent and magnificent voice, Immaculee speaks directly to our hearts, imploring us to listen with our faces turned toward God.


I am so grateful to have met this incredible woman and to have had her story touch my heart. Through the testimony of her faith I am inspired to love more, to open my heart further and to never forget the healing and transforming power of prayer.

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I Feel the Most Loved When...

I'm linking up at The Gypsy Mama again today for another "Five Minute Friday." The rules are that you write for only 5 minutes, no editing. It's so much fun--feel free to join in! The prompt for this week is: "I Feel the Most Loved When..." Here goes...


Start:

I feel the most loved when my little baby girl reaches out for me like I'm the only thing in the whole wide world that matters. When I feel her chubby warm cheek against my chest, breath lightly rising and falling, perfectly tender mother-daughter moment. I feel the most loved when sweet Kevin shovels the cold wet snow so I don't have to. When he lets me sleep in, so tired from infant-induced nights awake. I rise to the smell the breakfast cooking for the boys--the smell of comfort and love. I feel the most loved when he places his cool hand on my feverish brow. I feel the most loved through the caring eyes of dear friends who look on with understanding, souls singing in perfect harmony. I feel the most loved when sisters reminisce about good times and bad, laughing and crying our way through shared history.

Stop.

Man, those minutes fly by!

Some pictures:

Me & Megan

Me & one of my besties Katie

Me & my sister Laura

me and Kevin <3

Happy Friday everyone!

Can't Help Lovin' That of Mine

One of the really wonderful things about living with someone is that you get to know all of their quirks. Okay, I know, I know-- this is also one of the really um, challenging things about living with someone! Well, this post is actually the marriage of the endearing with the er... less-than-endearing aspects of Kevin and me respectively. (Lucky Kevin comes out shining and I just end up looking like a big ol' slob! But that's ok!)


I have a confession to make: I'm...what one might call a bit um, "dish challenged." Sure, I do the dishes what feels like ALL-THE-TIME, but I admit that I do have an ever-so-slight tendency to let them pile up just a bit first. (I choose to blame homeschooling for this, but feel free to draw your own conclusions.) I'm gonna go out on a limb with this one, but I'm guessing my dish-challenged ways are not at the top of Kevin's love list. But, like a good husband most days he just goes about his own business, refraining from mentioning the mounting clutter emanating from the general direction of the kitchen. However, every once in awhile he breaks down and washes them himself (reason #1 why I love him!). But here's the funny quirky part (reason #2 why I love him!):
before he does the dishes he TAKES A PICTURE OF THEM FIRST.

That's right. No joke.

Without a single word or mention, while no one is in the room Kevin finds the camera, points it at the sink and *click.* Dirty dishes forever preserved. A slovenly still-life for my eyes only. (Occasionally there's even a few different angles and zoom shots to choose from!)


Fast forward about three days later. I turn my camera on to see what little cherubimic pictures I've captured of the kids and--what before my eyes do appear--but a Michelangelo of Mayhem! A Picasso of Putridness! A Degas of Disorder! A Renoir of...you get the picture. With this single act Kevin speaks without volumes saying a word. The message is loud and clear: "I was here. I did the dishes. You're welcome. You're a dish slob but I love you anyway." It's not a hostile message, no silent subdued rage (reason #3 why I love him!). Just a silent little reminder from him to me, that he was there and he helped. And every time it makes me grin ear to ear. Not only because of the help he provided which I so desperately needed (although this is a very valid reason!) but also because he is just so wonderfully weird. And he's all mine. :) Aaaah, that's love folks. I mean, who needs roses when I've got dirty dish pictures, anyway?

Messages of Love

I've been getting all of these wonderful little love notes lately...from my 5 year old! Let me preface this by saying that my son Luke is a bona fide 100% through-and-through holiday fanatic. He he adores them all. He decorates for them fiendishly, anxiously counts down on the calendar...he eats, sleeps and breathes them (Chip off the old block! I, too, am a holiday nut!). Well, with the approach of Valentine's Day Luke has been in full "cupid mode." He's been turning out more paper hearts than a greeting card company! And the sweetest thing of all has been that *I* have been the biggest recipient of these little beauties!


Completely unbeknownst to me Luke gets an inspiration, sits down with his paper and scissors and gets to work. 10 minutes later he proudly trots over to me, ear-to-ear grin on his face and says, "Mommy, I have a surprise for you!" And my heart melts as placed in my hands is the most perfectly crooked and lopsided free-form paper heart reading, "I luv yoo." (with a backwards "y" to boot!) It just doesn't get much better than that. Misspelling and all. The most incredible part for me is considering that this is a completely spontaneous act of pure love. A free gift.

Sometimes I am overwhelmed by the crystal clear messages we are given from God--messages of love. They come sometimes at the most seemingly random of times. As a mom, (I'm sure all of you fellow moms can relate to this!) I am often amazed by the overwhelming sense of love I feel for my children. The love of a parent for their child is given freely, without reservation, without expecting anything in return. The Lord feels this very same love for us-in all its manifestations-a thousand times over. What an amazing thing it is--to be loved so greatly, so deeply--all the time. It is almost overwhelming to take in. The love between parent and child is this amazing gift of insight for us to know how loved we truly are by God.


God loves us just as we are, always. He loves us when we're feeling crabby, He loves us when we feel alone. He loves us when we are in desperate need of a shower (not that that ever happens to *me* of course, ahem...) and just want to stay in bed. He loves us in triumphant times and in worrisome times. AT ALL TIMES. In fact, we are precious to Him. As the bible states:

" Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds!"(Lk 12:24-5)

In Matthew we read:

"Indeed, even the hairs on your head have all been counted!" (Mt. 10:30)

Imagine that!

As if that weren't mind-boggling enough, God's love for us runs even deeper. In fact, He loves us so much that He died for us:

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only begotten Son, so that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." (John 3:16)

As the famous church hymn proclaims, "What greater love is this O my soul, O my soul." Indeed.


I am so incredibly thankful for the immeasurable love I've had the opportunity to both give and receive in my life, as I reflect on this Valentine's Day. As we pass out cards, bake a treat or two or maybe even have a special night out with our sweetheart I hope that all of these acts serve as a reminder of the perfect, continuous and everlasting love from above.

Happy Valentine's Day!

Love is a Many-Splendored Thing

They say that love makes the world go round. As the Beatles once crooned, "All you need is love." The familiar childhood poem comes to mind, "Roses are red, violets are blue..." But really, what is love? It's the age-old question that poets, philosophers, musicians and scholars alike have pondered for centuries. It's something you might be lucky enough to have experienced in your life, but can you really put it into words? It's the subject of countless movies and studies...it's that thing that makes your heart go "boom-boom-boom." We might spend our entire lives chasing this crazy little thing called love, yet often we have trouble defining it. Well, I'm not here to say that I have definitively solved this mystery once and for all. Sorry to disappoint. ;) But, I would however, like to share a few insights on the subject.

I'm reading a book right now that explores the subject of love (among other things): A New Heart by Robert Morneau. The type of love the author writes about is not the romantic smooshy-gushy stuff that is the subject of romance novels and chick-flicks. (And don't get me wrong, I do like a good chick-flick every now and then!) With this type of love there's no chase-scene, no knight-in-shining-armor, no fair maiden in distress, no orchestral swelling at the movie's close. Nope, this type of love is more of a giving type of love. Selfless love. Sacrificial love.

Karl Rahner says that, "Love alone makes man forget himself, and it would indeed be hell if self-oblivion could never be achieved. Without love, man, anxiously guarding his finite Ego, would husband his future and yield it but grudgingly. " So, according to Rahner love is actually a type of self-death. Love is not about how it makes us feel, but rather about forgetting ourselves altogether. But that's not what's portrayed in the movies, is it? "True love" according to popular culture is all about making us feel special and valued, about receiving scores of flowers and candy, about being serenaded by moonlight. And we eat this stuff up, don't we? I mean, what girl doesn't fantasize about the famed balcony scene in Romeo and Juliet? So then, who is this crazy guy who's telling us to forget about ourselves? I mean, how could love not be all about us?!

Let's see what someone else has to say on this subject. Here is what Pope Paul VI offers about love:

"Love those near by and those afar. Love our friends and enemies; love Catholics, schismatics, Protestants, Anglicans, the indifferent, love Muslims, pagans, atheists, love members of all social classes, love children, love the old, the poor and the sick, love those who deride or despise us, obstruct or persecute us; love those who deserve love and those who do not; love our adversaries. Let us love and try to understand, esteem, appreciate, serve it and suffer for it. Let us love with the heart of Christ."

Here again we see love offered as a gift to others--deserved or not. It is not about what we get out of the deal, but rather loving for the virtue of love itself. Even suffering for it. But this is in such stark contrast to our desires! Sure, it's easy to love people who seem nice enough, when it feels easy or when we encounter those whose values align with our own. But to love our enemies? Love those who persecute us? Well, that's just crazy talk, isn't it? It sounds good in the bible, but...really?!

Let's turn then to a less academic, more experiential type of love; parental love. The role of a parent is at time fraught with peril. Let's face it, parenting can be a rough gig. Sleepless nights with a screaming newborn, toddler tantrums (seemingly!) by the hundreds, defiant teens pushing our buttons, stomach bugs (we just went through the stomach bug thing in our house this past week, so this one is fresh on my mind!). The list goes on and on. But ask any parent whether or not all of the dedication, devotion and giving is worth it, and you'd be loathe to find one suggesting the contrary. So then...there might just be something to this giving of love after all...

Ok then, so to love is to give. But one might refute this by saying that all of this giving, this selfless love is really just about the getting; that love is not so altruistic after all. One might say that we are only giving in order to receive something for ourselves. And in a way this is true. But what we get isn't some giddy high or fluttering in our stomachs. What we get is...a glimpse of God. It is in all of that giving of our love that we experience God's enormous love for us. With the swipe of a child's feverish brow, the tender embrace we lend to one who mourns, the hospitality we offer to a stranger in need, we get a tiny glimpse of God's love for us. Sacrificial love. Agony in the garden at love. Dying on the cross love. Love that makes us forget ourselves completely, love that fills our souls, love that quiets out hurts and makes us complete. Love that transports us from our petty worries, our childhood wounds, our materialistic desires. So, what we get is something great indeed. Paradoxically, in dying to self--in loving others with our whole hearts we are made complete. We experience love the way God gives it to us--freely, perfectly.

This calls to mind for me the famous tag line from the movie Jerry McGuire, "You complete me." And while this is a very beautiful and romantic thing to say to someone I feel it's incomplete (gotta love the irony there!). I would like to rephrase it as: "Giving my love to you completes me--through God's love." Of course this just doesn't have the same ring to it, does it? But really, what more could we possibly need? All we need is love, right?

And so, the romance movie ends, the credits roll, the popcorn has been consumed, and we are left...wanting. Wanting more, wanting that something missing. But the next time that feeling bubbles up inside of us, if only we can remind ourselves to give love. Give love more, give love freely, give love openly, give love with reckless abandon. And we might end up getting more love in return than we ever thought possible.

"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." John 15:13

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