Motherhood is Messy

It's Mother's Day and I wake up at 4am to cat bird's cry, trained to rouse at the faintest sound after 3 months of waking for newborn night feedings.  Falling back to sleep is no use, and I stumble downstairs to put on the coffee.  The sink is full of dirty dishes, spilling over on counter tops.  I look out the pre-dawn window where it's cold and rainy and everything's grey.  My littlest one stirs and my day begins.  Bleary-eyed I fetch him, no doubt with sour expression on my face.  He's all groggy smiles, eyes alit at the sight of my face.  He doesn't seem to mind the bags under my eyes from a bad night's sleep or my grouchy mood to match.  Newborns don't see these things--our fault lines and fractured insides.  They see the best of us--what we strive each day to be.


I blink and the other ones now stir, my three year old girl with the wild hair and pouty frown.  She's feverish and needs new underwear, a stomach virus has taken hold.  My gangly boys tumble downstairs, another one sick, with under-eye bags that match my own.  Though ill and tired, these little ones look at me with tender love in their eyes, faces filled with mom-love.

The rain is pouring down, cold and sad and I feel cold and sad, too.  This Mother's Day I'm mother-less for the fifth year, no mom to phone, no greeting card to write. Bouquets of bright flowers sold by vendors on street corners are not mine to give.  The trees outside nod their sagging heads in agreement, knowing that real motherhood is not all cloudless skies and sunshiny days.

Mom and me, 1989

At the local drugstore sit shelves of cards working hard to sell their facade, their picture-perfect image of what motherhood and Mother's Day should be; all sunshine and smiles, breakfast in bed, lazing in hammocks amidst spring breezes.  But the reality of motherhood is much messier.  Real moms know what the cards don't express, that motherhood is sleepless nights and worried minds, hampers full of dirty underwear all tangled up in stinking piles.  That along with adoring baby faces come endless days of sacrifice, emptying out again and again, saying no to wants while filling child needs. Real moms know that along with wafting aromas of cookies baked in ovens come counter-tops crusted, spilled flour heaped high, puddle of egg alongside.

In the hospital with my firstborn, Luke, 2005

Motherhood is messy.


For motherhood is actually a beautiful mess of blessing and struggle, growth and sacrifice, love found on counter-tops, and in hampers.  Mother's Day isn't really just about smiling faces posed on colorful lawns, smiling pretty for the camera.  Motherhood is so much more.

It's 8pm and by this time I'm ready for bed.  Underwear's now washed but dishes are still piled high.  This Mother's Day has felt more like a marathon than a celebration.  After litanies of infant cries, sick toddler whines, cleaning mess after mess after mess, I'm worn out.  Empty.  Feeling like there's nothing left to give.  I tuck tired children into bed and sit down to feed my youngest one yet again.  He looks up and smiles, nothing but pure love in his eyes.  Adoration.  Not caring to see my exhaustion, frustration and disappointment over a day that started out bad and ended up worse.  He doesn't see the broken mess.  He just sees me, for who I am--a mother just trying her best, over and over again.  And that's enough for him.  I smile back, thankful for love and grace and fresh days ahead, another chance to celebrate this messy beautiful, heart-breaking, heart-strengthening path that motherhood really is.  And maybe that's what Mother's Day is actually about; a day to celebrate the victories along with the failures, the heart-swells with heart-aches, the messy love between mother and child.  And that's worth celebrating.

The Little Things {A Mother's Day Reflection}

Next Monday is the 5 year anniversary of my mother's death.  It always falls around Mother's Day, which is kind of odd to experience.  Mother's Day, for me, is such a mix of emotions--missing my mom while remembering the very painful times we endured together.  Thoughts on how my own journey of motherhood has shaped me, stretched me and helped me grow in love, sacrifice and faith.

As the years go by and time marches on, I find myself most often remembering the things my mom got right.  These are the things that come up again and again as I spend my days with my own kids.  They're usually little things, yet the things that were the essence of mom.  The endearing things that make me smile.  Like how she could really tell a story.  She recalled all the details in a way that made you feel like you were living the tale itself, right as she told it.  I'd like to think I tell stories this way, too.

And other memories come flooding in:

~how we laughed sitting around the kitchen table until our sides hurt and happy tears flowed down our cheeks

~discussing novels, poems and song lyrics together, working out their deeper meanings, growing together in mutually sought knowledge and wisdom

~cooking steak and onion sandwiches in the silver pan, wonder bread slathered in butter, the whole house smelling like a '50s diner

~crafting together--sometimes painting, sometimes sketching, always creating

~the way she teased that made me feel annoyed and yet treasured at the same time

~her excitement over seasons and holidays, often months in advance!

~how she delighted in simple things--like peonies in bloom or cardinal perched on a nearby branch

~her competitiveness--determination to win anything--even a simple game of dots!

~her love of Scrabble and uncanny ability to beat the pants off me with the most esoteric of 7-letter words, strategically placed

~eating pistachio nuts by the handful, salty mouths, fingertips stained red

~how deeply she loved her family, with every fiber of her being


Mom was far from perfect.  Battling mental illness all her life, there were very dark days growing up.  But through it all the beauty of her spirit radiated.  The mother-daughter love was an unshakeable bond, knitting hearts together through trials and triumphs.


As I reflect on motherhood, the good and the bad all running together, I wonder what things will stand out in the minds of my own children when they are grown?  Which little traditions and everyday goings-on will they carry with them in their own hearts?  It's my hope and prayer that one thing I will get right, just as my mom did, is for my kids to know they are fiercely loved.

"These three things remain: faith hope and love.  But the greatest of these is love."

-1 Cor. 13:13

Wishing you all a truly blessed Mother's Day!

Take a few minutes to be blessed by this video--a tribute to mother and child: 

A {simple & sweet!} Mother's Day Gift Idea...

With Mother's Day fast approaching you may be looking for some ideas to do with the kiddos for all of the special moms in your life.  I just thought I'd share our gift idea with you!  Over the years we've done several things from crafts to garden plants to personalized items.  This year I thought it would be sweet to have the kids come up with different things they love about their Grandma and present them gift-style.  After brain-storming for a bit I thought we could put together a Ball jar of "52 Reasons why We Love Grandma." (I know, I know--my Ball-jar obsession continues! LOL!)  It's very simple, and, when read once a week, lasts the whole year through!  If you'd like to make your own jar, here's what you do:

1) Type a list of 52 things your kids love about the gift recipient.  Be sure to space each sentence far enough apart that they will make a nice-sized strip once cut--don't crowd them too closely!

2)  Print list on double-sided scrapbook paper.  Make sure one side of your paper is light enough that the text won't be too difficult to read! (of course, regular paper works, too, but scrapbook paper just looks so pretty in the jar!)

3)  Cut strips apart and fold them however you like, placing them in jar.

4)  Embellish your jar with whatever embellishments you like!  We used some ribbon, additional scrapbook paper and a personalized round label to give ours a finished look.

5) Give your completed gift and feel the love! :)

Although we made our jar for Mother's Day, it would make a lovely gift for any occasion--a birthday, anniversary, etc.!

Happy jar-making, and wishing you all a wonderful Mother's Day!

shared with:

Works for Me Wednesday