How to Find Stillness in a Culture that Tells you to Do More

Awhile back I read an article from the New Yorker called No Time by Elizabeth Kolbert. The article takes an in-depth look at how Americans use their time, suggesting a growing addiction to busyness.  Americans, it seems, feel the need to use up every single minute of their time, without allowing much space in the day for rest.  And, worse than that, people tend to brag about how busy we are, as if all this frenetic over-scheduling gives us a sense of purpose.  We almost feel ashamed of our leisure time, as if we're not important enough without a giant list of activities on our calenders.    What is going on with Americans, and how do we stop this?  This growing trend in busyness is evident by looking through past Christmas letters and cards:


"Researcher, Ann Burnett, has collected five decades’ worth of holiday letters and found that they’ve come to dwell less and less on the blessings of the season and more and more on how jam-packed the previous year has been. Based on this archive, Burnett has concluded that keeping up with the Joneses now means trying to outschedule them."

How sad.  For the past 50 years, Americans have been trading in their precious time of quiet reflection for an over-stuffed calender.  But filling every minute of our lives with activity is not how we're meant to live.  We need stillness. We need true rest.  And I don't mean mindlessly scrolling through emails or binge-watching the latest season on Netflix (although I do love me some Netflix!), but real rest.  Our minds can't keep up this exhausting pace without losing something--like our health, personal development and spiritual growth.  Kolbert addresses the negative effects of this mental preoccupation:


"A lawyer playing with his kids is technically at leisure, but if all the while he’s checking his phone for texts from the office he may feel that he hasn’t had any time off. Schulte terms this the “mental tape-loop phenomenon,” and she argues that it’s sapping our precious energies, so that we can’t even “decide what to think about, worrying about home stuff at work and work stuff at home.'”

So, even when we have time off, we still feel the need to occupy our brains in an energy-reducing way.  But it gets even worse.  This preoccupation with busyness has a snowball effect, as it's fed by an emphasis on consumerism:


"Instead of quitting early, they [Americans] find new things to need." Europeans will further reduce their working hours and become even more skilled at taking time off, while Americans, having become such masterful consumers, will continue to work long hours to buy more stuff."

So, the catch-22 is that more the stuff we convince ourselves we need to enjoy our days off, the less actual leisure time we end up getting, since we need to work more in order to buy more. And, in the end, most of this stuff just ends up weighing us down, and keeping us from what truly fulfills.  Another problem with all of this busyness is that our identities become enmeshed with our work lives.  Our sense of purpose is then based on the quantity and type of work we do:


Work may not set us free, but it lends meaning to our days, and without it we’d be lost.


I think there's a false belief in America, that those who are wealthy, have the most leisure time.  If we close our eyes, it's not hard to imagine the stereotypical sunlit stroll through a golf course and luxurious beach vacations.  But this is often not the reality for those who are well off.  Kolbert states that: "the disproportionately compensated have a disproportionate motive to keep on working. (taking a day off when you're rich means losing a TON of money versus just a few bucks for someone who is poor)."

So, what is the way out of this mess?  How do we effectively reclaim our leisure time and get the real rest we need?  I think there are two simple things we can do to help remedy the addiction to doing:


1) Realize that "needing more stuff" is a myth (The old adage that money does not buy happiness is just as true today as ever!)



2) Make an effort to be truly present and schedule white space into your day


There's a simple exercise you can do to assess what really brings you joy. Jot down a list of some of your best memories--the times when you were most happy.  When you are done, look at your list and see how many of those memories involved a lot of expensive "stuff", or whether they were things you could do for very little money.  Now look to see if the time was a fast-paced jam-packed day, or whether time time felt slow.  Very often some of our best memories are times spent with loved ones in very simple ways--going for walks with Grandma or picnics at the lake.  Nothing rushed, nothing extravagant.  No deadlines looming or texts and emails to send.  Just time lived slowly and lived well.  Time cherished with loved ones.

I encourage you to examine the pace and activity level of your life.  Is there a way to reclaim more leisure time and slow the pace down a bit?  Do you agree with Kolbert's article?  I'd love to hear your thoughts!

Things that are Saving my Life Right Now

Winter has always been my least-favorite season.  It's long.  Its cold.  (Did I mention that it's long?!)  Somewhere around February I yearn for green and living things, in the midst of all of the white and grey swirling around.  I recently read a blog post about making a list of things that are saving your life right now, in the midst of dreary winter.  I loved this idea...similar to gratitude list, but more season-specific.  I figured I'd give it a try and it turned out to be quite long!  This practice was another reminder to me that there are always blessings tucked into difficult and dreary seasons, so long as we keep our eyes open to see them.  So, without further ado, here is my list of some of the "wee little" (I couldn't resist!) things that are saving my life this winter:

Megan catching snowflakes on her tongue :)

1) Trips to the library

The kids and I always look forward to visiting the library, but there is definitely an extra life-saving element to it, when we all have a case of cabin fever.  When we start to feel too stir-crazy, the library promises hours and hours of FREE entertainment.  We shuffle off with empty tote bags in hand and excitedly peruse the shelves for interesting titles.  The kids' moods are instantly improved, as is mine!  When we get back home, we pop some popcorn and dive right into our bags of printed goodness!

Our current "haul" (and I do mean a literal HAUL.  Those totebags get HEAVY!)

2) My slippers

A couple of years ago I picked up this pair of shearling slippers on an after-Christmas sale, and it's been true love ever since.  They keep my feet toasty warm without over-heating or getting all stinky and sweaty, like synthetic materials sometimes do.  They are SO super comfortable...it's hard to take them off when I need to go somewhere!  Which leads me to #3 on my list...

My favorite slippers...well worn and well loved!

3) Boots with wool socks

I've always had low blood pressure, so my hands and feet get cold very easily.  When I need to head out in the snow, I LOVE wearing boots with wool socks to keep me warm and dry!  The boots keep my pant-legs from getting all soggy (the WORST!!) and wool socks keep my oft-icy toes super toasty!  It's *almost* as good as wearing my slippers!


4) Soup

I've always been a soup-aholic, and have even shared a few recipes over the years of my personal favorites.  There's nothing like warming up with a steaming bowl of homemade, healthful soup to cheer up a dreary day!  I love to serve mine in an over-sized mug, while warming my ( icy!) hands on the sides.  This Chicken and Couscous Stew is one of my current favorites. So so good.

Butternut Squash soup--one of my faves!

5) Celebrating "little" holidays

After Christmas and New Years, there is a whole 'lotta winter left, without much celebrating to do.  To help cheer us all up, while waiting for Spring, I like to make a semi-big deal out of the little holidays, including: Chinese New Year, Valentine's Day, Groundhog Day, Mardi Gras and St. Patrick's Day.  We make crafts, we bake tasty treats, we put up decorations and read fun books.  It really helps make the remainder of winter more exciting!

Making "Fai Chun" for Chinese New Year

Our silly Mardi Gras masks we made last year

The "wearing of the green" for St. Paddy's last year. (How did a whole year fly by so fast?!)

6) Trying New Hobbies

Winter is the perfect time of year to dig into some new hobbies.  This winter I'm trying my hand at making homemade wine.  It's a lot of fun!  It's still in process right now (in the "secondary fermenter"), but I hope it will turn out yummy!

Luke's latest hobby is 3D puzzles!

7) Afternoon Tea with Read-Alouds

I love the simple beauty and cheer of gathering around the table every afternoon for a cup of something comforting, a little snack and a great book to read aloud.  Sometimes we make tea, other times it's hot cocoa or even lemonade (usually coffee for me!), but we always have a great book to go with it.  Right now the kids and I are enjoying the American Girl Felicity Series.  I wasn't sure if the boys would get into them, but they like them, too!  We've been reading this book along with the series, which also has great information about life circa 1774.

Sometimes we get fancy and bust out the nice china, but most of the time we keep it pretty simple!

Thank you, library, for helping us keep our sanity this winter!

This is just a small section of my much longer list of things are "saving my life" this winter.  They're just a few of the little things that help brighten my day and fill me with hope and joy.  I'd love to hear some of yours!  If you'd like to share your list or see some others, check out the link over at Modern Mrs. Darcy.

Why Beauty Matters

Lately I've been thinking about the importance of beauty.  How beauty is a gift from God-- one that we so desperately need in our lives.  How beauty has the ability to uplift, to elevate, to draw us closer to our creator.  Beauty is the lens through which we see the extraordinary, a touch of the divine.

I have this friend who has bare walls in her house, because she's doesn't have the extra funds to decorate the way she'd like to.  So, she's decided to settle on nothing at all.  This makes me sad, because when we surround ourselves with beauty (and I don't mean the cost-a-whole-paycheck variety.  I'm looking at you, Pottery Barn.) we are uplifted.  Beauty elevates the spirit, making us come alive inside.  It arouses a feeling of hope, a glimpse of eternity.  And beauty can truly be free...or practically free, if you use a little imagination.  A simple browse on Pinterest can spark all kinds of creative ideas on how people re-purpose, up-cycle and use items found in nature.  Fill old jam jars with wildflowers. Paint an old picture frame. Cut up a salvaged sweater and wrap it around a dollar store candle.  Take a walk in the woods and cut some branches to display.  Beauty. Practically free. 

A year and a half ago, when we moved to our new house, the walls in the dining room were a bright sunflower yellow.  This wasn't the color I'd originally envisioned, but I was 7 months pregnant and it was 3 weeks 'til Christmas, so painting was pretty much out-of-the-question for me.  But I still wanted to make the room look pretty, even though I'd decided not to paint.  I thought a collection of cheerful plates would work well with the color, and bring some beauty to the bare walls.   But, since we had just moved and it was right before Christmas, there wasn't much money to spend on decorating.  So, I went to Good Will and found a bunch of bargain plates for $1.00 a piece.  It was so much fun playing around with the designs and sizes to create something unique! Yes, it wasn't completely free--it ended up costing about $12.00 dollars (I made the hangers myself with wire). And if I had had to save up for it, I would have.  Because beauty matters. It's just a simple thing I put together, but one that continues to give me cheer, whenever I'm in the room.

My cheery little plate wall, on our first Christmas in the new house.

And of course beauty isn't only aesthetic, and it's certainly not restricted to home decorating.  We all know that beauty comes in many forms--music, dance, nature, writing, cooking, and countless other forms.  But the reason I bring up our homes is that we spend so much time in them--hours gazing at the walls and surfaces around us.  So, why not make them as beautiful as we can, to elevate our spirits?

Several months ago, I came across this video on the subject of beauty, presented by philosopher Roger Scruton, entitled Why Beauty Matters.  It has been with me ever since.  It is one of the most moving pieces I've ever come across on the subject of beauty.  It's about an hour long but very worth the watch.  (Warning: the video contains several disturbing images unsuitable for little eyes, so plan to watch it sans children!) Here are some of the take-aways that really spoke to me:

image source

1) We understand our own nature, as spiritual beings, through the pursuit of beauty.  An experience with beauty can have a profound and life-changing impact.

2) Beauty is an antidote to the chaos and suffering of this world.  It brings consolation in times of sorrow and jolts us out of the complacency of our everyday duties.

3) Creativity is a call to others to see the world as we see it, a way to share our hearts and connect with others.

4)  Beauty has the power to arouse powerful emotions within us--feelings of desire, adoration and longing.  It awakens in us the stirrings of the soul that sometimes lie dormant and calls us into contemplation.

image source

5)  Beauty lies all around us--the world itself is intrinsically beautiful, and art (in all its forms) reminds us to see it.

6)  When we remove beauty from the world, we are left with ugliness, utility, a world of alienation, raw appetite and despair.

It matters that we create an atmosphere of beauty in our lives.  We are surrounded by so much ugliness in this world.  There is pain, poverty, illness, natural disasters, loss of faith.  We need a place to elevate our souls and arm ourselves to fight for what is good. 


Plato once said "Beholding beauty with the eye of the mind, you will be able to nourish true virtue and become the friend of God."  Yes.  I can't think of a better pursuit than growing closer to God while pursuing virtue.  And I love that beauty is a path to this.

An *old* high school picture of me singing in the our chorus

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So, lose yourself in a soul-stirring piece of music.  Contemplate the brush strokes of a gorgeous painting.  Gaze in awe at the wonder of an architectural masterpiece.  Be blessed by a stage-performance which feeds your being.  Go for a walk and bring a bit of nature back home with you to display.  Get lost in a beautiful pursuit of your own, that awakens your passion.  Take a moment to look within, to contemplate, to be transformed by heaven here on earth.  Let beauty be a balm to to your weary soul.  Steep yourself in goodness, and ponder in deepest gratitude, Our Creator, who gave us this magnificent gift of beauty.

Seeking the Infinite

We live in a society that tells us: "Go get it."  See something you like?  Go get it.  Want a shiny new bobble?  Get  it.  Slimmer body?  Eat this, do that--you've got it. But what society fails to mention, an inconvenient little caveat, is that none of these things brings lasting joy.  Sure, they may feel good for a while--give us a boost, some extra pep, a spring in our step.  But satisfy the deepest longings of our hearts?  Sorry, but--no.  I've been reading a wonderful book this Easter season called Easter Grace: Daily Gospel Reflections.  In it, a passage on the subject of desire states:


"The reality [is] that deep within we are seeking the infinite--that which lasts forever.  Much in our society today is focused on self-interest, encouraging us to do everything for our personal gain and satisfaction.  But part of us, deep inside, will never be completely satisfied with earthly things.... [Only Jesus] satisfies the deepest hungers of our hearts."  (emphasis added.)


This is so true.  When it comes right down to it, aren't we all, in the end, seeking the infinite?  Do those new shoes give you peace deep within your heart?  Does a snazzy career or shedding 20 pounds quiet the ugly, lost, hurting places deep within?  While they may lend some satisfaction and temporary distraction, they never truly satisfy.  Are these evil pursuits?  Certainly not.  We are all called to use our gifts, challenge ourselves and seek to enrich our lives.  But the danger lies in losing the balance between earthly desires and eternal ones.  Once we turn away from God, lost in pursuit of our earthly goals, we are headed into dangerous territory.

There was a time not too long ago that I had begun to lose my "heavenly focus."  So wrapped up in my own little world of earthly desire, I had completely placed my focus on...well, myself.  Rather than consulting God to set my path I got sucked into a world of external desires--longing for "stuff," acting out of pride, and thinking about all of my own wants, rather than focusing on how I might serve others.  Instead of seeing the beauty in all of the things in my present life I got stuck in a downward spiral of:

If only my house were bigger.

If only I had a maid to help with some of this mess.

If only my husband could pick up his dirty socks once in awhile.

If only I could magically press a magic "fast-forward to bed" button on my kids on the hard days.

If only, if only, if only...

Before I knew it, I found I was no longer satisfied with all of the extraordinary graces in my life.  Rather than "seeking the infinite" I was begrudging the present and dreaming of a non-existent future of what could be.  And if we don't get a grip on these desires, the longings just get bigger and hungrier until we reach a place of total dissatisfaction with the present.  We act out of self-interest to the point of even hurting others.  In our focus on what "could be" that we lose the beauty of what is.  And this line of selfish thought can become the devil's playground for a whole host of idols-- be it physical fitness, career aspirations, imbalanced time spent on hobbies, etc. The list goes on and on.


And the truth is, that many of the puffed-up dreams we chase are really just illusions, anyway.  It's easy to convince ourselves that our "rub a lamp and make a wish" life would fulfill our deepest longings, but in the attainment, the reality often falls short.  In an recent interview popular blogger Jennifer Fulwiler talked about her light bulb moment she when, at the pinnacle of her computer programming career, she thought (paraphrased) : "This is it?  This is the dream I chased?  This is really kind of...lame."  (Great interview, by-the-way!  I highly recommend watching!)  And if we, in our "light bulb moments" fail to pray for guidance, the illusions snowball.  And that is a sad place to be--trapped in an illusion. 


It is not in the attainment of personal pursuits that we are truly filled, but in the emptying of self.  We are called to die to self in order to be filled by Christ.  When we serve others in love, when we act on the whisperings of the Holy Spirit, our longing can truly be satisfied.  When we kneel at the foot of the cross in sincere humility, with soft supple hearts, it is only then that we can truly be nourished.  The Lord fills our gaps and empty places with abundance.  But He can only feed us if we acknowledge our hunger for Him.  We need to make space inside of us for Him to fill.

I was at the grocery store the other day and saw an old man struggling with his shopping list.  I was frazzled, just trying to hurry through the rest of the trip with my 3 kids in tow. The man looked troubled as we perused the cheese selections.  Admittedly, (not my finest moment!) I felt a little irritated he was taking up most of the aisle.  It was almost lunch time and this was the very last aisle of the store, so by this time the kids and I had had it.  The man looked at me and asked: "Do you see any more of the cheddar on sale?"  I knew he needed my help.  I felt so torn between my own desire (to be DONE with shopping!) and the nudging I felt to help.  So, I found the cheese he was looking for, and as it turned out, he had also lost his pen.  I paused for a moment holding my purse, knowing that only my favorite pen was inside.  I really didn't want to part with it.  But he needed it.  So, I gave him my pen.  Immediately after I felt so happy I had helped this man--he looked at me with such gratitude, and thanked me so heartily.  Truly, there was nothing better than that moment--of choosing someone else over my own stress and ridiculous pen-loving desire.  I can buy another silly pen, but I'll probably never get another chance to be a blessing to the old man on the cheese aisle.


So as you live through your weeks and months and years, go ahead and make your plans.  Make great resolutions, dream big, reach for the stars.  But all the while, ask the Lord to walk your path with you.  Include Him in those plans of yours, and thank Him for the gifts and graces along the way.  Dream big, but remain humble and open to the path He sets, enjoying the graces of each day.  And allow yourself to be amazed by what the Lord can do when you let Him take the lead.

Do you have any "If onlys" you need to let go of in order to seek the infinite?

The Beauty We Sometimes Don't See...

On a typically hurried somewhat ordinary late afternoon, I was using my salad spinner while making dinner. My son, Adam, in his classic way of catching me off-guard asked me, "Mommy, can I please hold that beautiful thing over there?" Somewhat distracted and only half-listening, I had no clue what he was talking about. He went on to describe it: "That beautiful clear thing with stripes and diamonds that spins around making pretty patterns!" (A finger gesture helped me out a bit!) A-ha! The salad spinner! Mystery solved! And then it dawned on me. My amazingly think-outside-of-the-box 4-year old had given me yet another lightbulb moment. I stopped what I was doing and really looked at the salad spinner, perched near a sunny window, light filtering through.


It. was. beautiful.


The sun cast diamond shadows across the counter-top. My eyes got lost in the symmetry of opaque rectangles in spiral design, the view of the outdoors visible through its holes. I would even go so far as to say it was... breath-taking. Yes, my salad spinner was breath-taking.



Sometimes it takes a child to see the beauty we don't see. With eyes of innocence and wonder, everything around them is a feast for the senses. Unhurried by life's obligations and distractions, kids take the time to really see.



It reminded me of that old James Russell Lowell poem, To The Dandelion--the one where a simple dandelion was the surprising favorite:

"How like a prodigal doth nature seem,
When thou, for all thy gold, so common art!
Thou teachest me to deem
More sacredly of every human heart,
Since each reflects in joy its scanty gleam
Of heaven, and could some wondrous secret show,
Did we but pay the love we owe,
And with a child's undoubting wisdom look
On all these living pages of God's book."

Untainted by the the idea that this bright cheerful flower was a mere weed that chokes out pristine lawns, dandelions really are delightful. And so are salad spinners.


Take some time to really see the beauty all around you. Look with the wonder of a child's eyes at the way shadows dance, how sunlight makes dust sparkle. See the beauty in the simple, the mundane, the ordinary. You may be surprised at what pleasures await.

Every Day...

Participating today with Lisa-Jo for another fabulous Five Minute Friday! Five Minute Friday is where we write on a given topic for 5 minutes only. It's so freeing, so fun! I love how I never know what might come out, and how each post linked up is so different. Give it a try!


The prompt for today is "Every Day." Here goes!



Start:

Every day something small can happen and something colossal can happen. New lives begin and lives end. Breakthroughs occur, breakdowns occur and breakfasts, too.

Every day we make plans of what might happen, giving ourselves the illusion of control and organization, but we never really know what will happen, because only God knows that.

Every day we cry and we laugh and we worry and we hope and we pray and we try our best to do what we think is right, believing in ourselves as best we know how.

Every day we learn something new—a fact, a discovery, acquired wisdom, new insight. Every day is a chance to grow a bit more—to love more, to be more patient, more giving, more kind.

Every day we are forgiven of our failings through His endless mercy and grace and are given another chance to fulfill our unique purpose here. Each day preordained, precious hairs counted.

Every day we are being stretched and broken and repaired, wounded hearts healing and fresh hearts being broken.

Every day we are loved, loved perfectly as we are.

Every day.

Stop.

Happy Friday Everyone!

On Distance

Another Friday, another Five Minute Friday with The Gypsy Mama! Five Minute Friday is where we write on a given topic for five minutes only, no editing, no worrying whether its "just right." It's so much fun. Feel free to join in! This week's topic is, "On distance." Here goes:


Go.

Distance is a funny thing. In and of itself it's neutral but when applied to our lives can be such a good or bad thing.

Distance can create loneliness. Or can create space, can open up places where we are able to grow. Or create vacuous holes, gaping wounds that need filling.

Finding the right balance of “proper distance” is different for everyone.

Sometimes we dream of distance—of far off shores and mountain tops all green and lush. We wonder what it might be like to bridge the gap. To shorten the distance to reach exotic lands.

Or sometimes we just dream of space—a healthy distance that allows us a bit of peace and quiet. “Good fences make good neighbors” as Robert Frost says.

And what of the distance in our hearts? Do we keep ourselves at a distance-shielding ourselves with heart armor? Or do we let things in—connective bridges of love, laughter and God, across moat of mistrust and fear?

Determining your distance requires time and effort and knowing.


Stop.

That was really interesting to ponder. I felt like I went in a gazillion different directions with that! I loved exploring how distance can mean so many things. And as always, those 5 minutes fly!

What does distance mean to you?