Thursday, May 9, 2013

He Speaks

Have you ever wrestled in life with a question, praying that God would give you an answer?  We pray, and we wait, hoping the answer will come quickly, but many times...it doesn't.    It's so hard to wait and wonder when we'll have our answer.  But sometimes, just once in awhile, God answers us right away.  And when this happens it's AMAZING.  I was blessed recently with the latter experience.  I am still in awe to have experienced God's voice so powerfully, so poetically.




As I've mentioned in recent posts, I've gone through some significant life changes over the past several months.  Between moving and having a newborn all at once, this past Fall and winter were really difficult.  And when things get tough for me, the hobbies and interests I love most fall by the wayside.  Things like art, cooking (the "fun" kind, I mean!), gardening, crafts, reading and yes--blogging.  These are the things that really keep growing and energized, and in their absence I started feeling really down.  Thankfully I'm feeling better now.  Life has settled down a bit, and I'm able to reinvest myself.  But as I delve back into creative pursuits, I've been assessing which things I should take up again and which I might pull back from, since my free time is so limited.


I started to question whether or not I have meaningful things to write, since most days I feel like my brain resembles a big pile of mush (newborns will do that to you!).  Some of the deeper things I love to write take time to flesh out--like deeper faith topics and life lessons.  I'm just not a "fast" writer when it comes to the deeper stuff.   The insights learned require stillness--something a homeschooling mom with a newborn does not get much of!  And there are so many truly gifted writers out there.  Writers who inspire, who write consistently, and probably with much greater speed and skill than I.  The internet is a pretty big place and I guess I wondered if what this oft-mush-minded mom has to say even matters in the grand scheme of things.



So, I prayed about it.  I asked God to illuminate my path--to show me the ways he wants me to invest myself.  Should I keep writing, even though it's hard to find the time?  Do I have anything meaningful to say? And HE ANSWERED .  He answered the very next day.  I sat down for my morning prayer and opened my meditation book--the one I've been reading for Easter.  This poem was there on the page:



When I Write

when I write
of the joy
of life with God
I think of you
being
for that moment
one with me


then I wonder
why that moment
ever ended
and I long
for when I don't

-Ralph Wright O.S.B.


Right away, I knew this was my answer.  It was one of those powerful moments where you truly feel the presence of God right there, swelling in your heart.  Those moments that knock you off your feet as your eyes well up.  Ok, God wants me to keep writing.




But sometimes God takes things one step further.  He kind of clobbers you over the head with His answer, just in case you weren't really listening.  (I can be a bit slow sometimes!)  So, God gave me an even clearer answer.  That very same evening at bedtime, I thought I'd do some reading.  I pulled a random book off  the shelf to thumb through--a book I've read before and thought would be good to read again.  I noticed I'd bookmarked a page several months prior and opening to the marked page,  I saw this:



Let It Be Written

Why write?
Why get out pen and pad,
chain oneself to a desk,
wait on the muses,
dwell in solitude
while the rest of the world
frolics to and fro?

Prestige?
Money?
To stem the tide of time?
Why, why write?

The psalmist had a motive:
"Let this be written for ages to come
that a people yet unborn may praise the Lord" (Ps 102:18)



Again the tears started flowing and I knew that, I need to keep writing.  Though time is limited and my thoughts a jumble, I will write.   I look back on this experience I am still in awe that I would receive such a powerfully crystal clear answer. Feeling completely unworthy of such a gift, I'm so thankful for this grace in my life. 



So, if you find yourself in a spiritual dry spell, questioning if God hears your prayers, know that HE IS THERE.  He hears every single word. Each struggle, each plea, each whisper and outcry for grace and mercy, He hears them all.   When the right time, He will guide you in His own wonderfully unique way.  He only asks that you place your trust in Him.


Trust just happens to be my word for 2013.  The word I chose to fully embrace, in the midst of change and transition.  Trusting in His guidance I continue on my path. writing along the way.

6 comments:

  1. Erin, Your post brought tears to my eyes and great big smiles at the same time. I always enjoy reading your blog. I relate to you on many levels. It is so exciting when God speaks so clearly & quickly. In fact, this is one of those moments for me as well. I, too, have been going through some difficult times and recently have not been setting aside as much time praying and reading God's word. Yesterday, my friend stopped by, out of the blue, and gave me some literature to read. One of the articles was titled, "Will you trust God?" It really hit home for me. Then, this morning, I was scrolling through my fb newsfeed and stumbled upon your entry. I feel this was God's way of showing me, yet a second time, to trust in Him. (I, too am sometimes slow.) So, I thank you for your blog entry. Just know that there surely are people out there that are very touched by your writing, and I am one of them. God Bless you.
    ~Jenn Hall

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    1. Jenn, thank you so much, from the bottom of my heart, for these kind words of encouragement and support. It made my day to know that this blog has meant something to you. I am continually AMAZED to see how God works in people's lives--how my blessing (my answered prayer) can become your blessing and so on. I love how God's grace can weave itself into the fabric of each other's lives, knitting us all together in his love. Thanks again so much! God bless, and know that you are in my prayers. I hope we can continue to support one another in our walk of faith! ~Erin

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  2. Erin, You are so welcome! I am also continually amazed by His grace. I look forward, as always to more beautifully written, heart-felt words from you. :) Would you mind if I posted the link to your blog on my timeline? I would love more people to have the opportunity to be blessed by your blog!
    ~Jenn

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  3. Thank you so much, Jenn! Of course I wouldn't mind you posting a link! I'm so happy to know how much this meant to you! :)

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  4. Hi Erin, I recently found your blog and love it! So glad that the Lord has led you to continue writing. I will look forward to future posts.

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    1. Hi Angie,

      Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm so glad you enjoy the blog! Blessings, Erin

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